Note to a Younger Self
By the time I was 16 I had my whole life planned out (probably like every other girl in America). I was supposed to have graduated from college. Found work as a curator in a museum. Married to some dashing young man. Purchased a home. Traveled to Europe. Done donuts with my Jeep Wrangler in the parking lot of my old hood with my foot hanging out the door wearing my Cash Money Reeboks. You know, experienced the finer things in life. So when I was 22, a fresh graduate, single, and unemployed, I had a breakdown. If anyone knew me from the age of 22-26ish, that that was a dark time for me. I was broken in more ways than one. My attitude and actions reflected such. I went from being known by almost everyone around campus and being a socialite, to restricting myself to the darkness of my own person. It was nothing to go months without me showing up to any social event. I was in a dark place and didn't want anyone to be there with me so I went through it all alone.
In the black culture, and especially as a black woman, we are taught the value in our strength. We are showed that we can climb any mountain God puts before us. Most of all, we are taught that we can do all of this ALONE. And that is NOT OKAY.
Dear Younger Tracy,
There are a lot of things that no one has ever told you, but I will tell you them today.
1. Invest
I don't understand how people can expect a bountiful return in various aspects of their lives when they invest minimally. With low risk, comes low reward.
You can't complain about your finances if you're complacent in your current job. You can't complain about your weight if you don't embark on a lifestyle change. You cant complain about not being happy when every thing you think and say is negative. You shouldn't complain about not being able to find someone to be with if texting is your only form of communication or you're wanting the other person to do all the work. You can't complain about a strained relationship if you haven't tried to fix it. In order to produce a plentiful reward, you have to invest. Invest in yourself, your dreams, your spirit, your craft, your family, your significant other, your God. Make wise investments. But always invest. The plants that will bloom tomorrow are born of the seeds you've sown today. |
2. You Are Loved
My mother passed away before I entered the first grade. I dont have many memories of her. But a mother is always the first intimate relationship any child will ever have. I never had that. I spent years looking for it. Never found it. And in the process I devalued all the love that was around me everyday. Because it wasnt what I wanted, I neglected to acknowlege it.Tracy, people care for you and are there for you. They've always have been, and as long as you keep a clean heart and strive to be a good person, they will always be there. There are people who themselves are as lost as you were and arent ready to change. Those people will never add to your life, but they will take.....AS MUCH AS YOU ARE WILLING TO GIVE. Love those who give love freely.
3. It is Okay to do Things for You and Only You.
Self Care is not to be neglected. It's okay to love to help people out but it can be exhausting. Please make sure your ships (relationships, friendships, work-ships...) are equally yolked. You will expend your time, energy, and patience trying to help someone, and once it is all over, there is nothing left for you.4. Be Great.
Don't stay still. Don't be afraid of being great. Don't be complacent. You are great. You are powerful. You are capable of so much more. You've never let life stop you. Don't stop yourself. Don't let this world place limits on you and what you can do. People only try to stop your shine or stunt your growth because they know what you are capable of.
5. Be Natural
Stop spending all your hard earned money in the salons. Go natural. Save some coin. Gain some length. Invent Shea Moisture.So to a younger Trap God Tracy.....it takes time to be great. Enjoy life. Stop Worring. Give Love. Give it Freely and expect nothing!
